the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
