the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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