I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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