Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
