New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
