My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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