I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
