I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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