Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
