Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize