Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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