i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
