I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize