I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
