a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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