The best revenge is premature balding
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize