the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
