It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
