I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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