It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
