i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
