she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
