your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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