Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
