from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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