There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
