i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Mom said you looked used
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
