you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize