the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
