We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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