It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
