How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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