There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
