Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
