If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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