dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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