You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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