he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
