Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
