Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
