I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
