the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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