last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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