she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The feeling are messing with the penis
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
