I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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