so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
