yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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