Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
