We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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