I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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