i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
