I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize