Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
