I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
