I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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