to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
