this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
