i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
