I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
