Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
