D3 body, D1 cock
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
accomplished twins. life is a go
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
