I'm jealous of your bromance
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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