Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
