1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
