We're like a lot better than the average bears
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
