Porn is love you can see.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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