its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
