We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
