You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
