Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
