my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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