Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
