the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
