your parents love me but you hate me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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